Updated: Mar 19, 2020
Lot of single friends of mine or even divorcees and single mothers; all in their 30s have turned quiet cynical about love and marriages. In India, the society is more patriarchal, there are so many instances where it is common to see a younger woman and older man pair. Our society considers men superior to women and women by nature are always found to be putting each other down rather than supporting each other. Thankfully, since these women are educated and career oriented now and so are more and more women, they are able to provide for themselves well and do not feel the need to have a man in their life to provide for them. However, men on the other hand are these slow evolving creatures and they cannot be blamed because they are raised to believe that they have time, they can still be eligible in their late 30s for marriage and can still demand wanting to marry a younger woman. There are instances where some of the men who really like older women and fall in love with older women. But due to societal pressures curb their feelings and follow the herd mentality to maintain peace at their home.
This makes me wonder, is there any such thing as love? Indian parents generally mould their kids to act as per their convenience They want their sons to bring a wife who can selflessly cater to their needs while their son is selfish enough to only bother about himself and never even care to think about her or her parents. I find Indian society quiet backward and very strange. These men marry women to please their mothers. Slowly as they grow old, they realise that its more the bond between the and their spouse that matters. They realise this after their kids have grown old and started family of their own. It i too late to mend anything then. The wives are supposed to get used to the ways of their husbands and many stay in unhappy marriages for the fear of being judged by the society and rightly so because Indians have tendency to get personal even at workplace. So society really makes it difficult for a woman overall. Few women do marry young and at the right age with the person their age or older. They still compromise a lot. Then still there is no guarantee that the marriage will survive.
Indian women are treated as expiry date once they are in their 40s and no one wants them after that. While men in their 40s still have a chance at 30 something’s or women in their late 20s ! The society really seems biased and unfair. The unmarried women in their late 30s then lose hope of ever finding their happily ever after. For those who get everything done at right time life gets easy for others it gets really tough. Again women who earn more than men are compromising on all levels- they are still expected to contribute ore towards housework, they have to deal with a jealous spouse and their in laws are constantly hoping she gives up on her career or settles for earning lesser than their son. A man’s mother never thinks twice before being loud, rude or disregarding the woman’s family whereas the woman and her family are expected to be polite and well behaved most times. Even when the other side is wrong, they have to think twice before pointing fingers. A woman who does not give dowry, demands equal treatment at her in laws place, refuses to be merely reduced to being a caretaker, wants her husband to focus more on their family than his parents, is definitely treated as an outcast and is alone in fighting all her battles.
If women are judged as per their youth because they have more child -bearing years- is child bearing the sole reason for one to marry? Do men really fall in love only with youth? Why are women not allowed to fall in love with the younger man then considering he has more energy and stamina? Why should women not consider marrying that man who can last longer than her in bed then? Why should she not be with the one who has more enthusiasm and interest in romance? If experience makes a man better, so does it make a woman better. If Indian women chose to ignore the society and live their life- work, party irrespective of their age, date men without considering whether he is young old, adopt a child instead of giving birth if she feels like, decide never to have children, celebrate divorce, focus on fitness and wear what they like irrespective of their age; then Indian men will finally start changing their thought process. Also women should stop passing judgemental comments on age, looks or life of other women. You never know what situation you will land in life, so why gossip about someone else’s life just because it does not fit into your box of a successful life?
Most divorcee men in India that care more about chemistry, compatibility, honesty, character when it comes to looking for a wife. Because they learn things the hard way. They marry for wrong reasons for the first time. Either they are valuing the youth, the beauty, the money or are marrying the one ‘approved’ by their parents.Slowly they start realising that they made a wrong decision and are in unhappy marriage because their partner is not what they want. Some compromise and live an unhappy life forever while others decide to move out of it. Looks and age are the least things that a man considers after he has already gone for it the first time and suffered. This does not mean young and beautiful women are bad. It only means that people who marry for shallow reasons end up in unhappy marriages. So why not start evolving as a society. The millennial generation was a generation of experimental change where they were partly old school and partly evolved into modern living. I.e. giving up on those obsolete cultural values that no longer seem practical. The coming generations will show lot more evolvement and progress in this aspect. So while you are stuck up in this confused era and in your 30s, better you soon embrace the new way of thinking Because your way of thinking is reflected in your life and you attract what you think. If true love exists for you and you firmly believe that a well brought up man of good virtues and values will care lot more about the person that you are and your experiences and compatibility, that he will still be wanting you even when you can’t have kids or are not very youthful then that is what you will get. People in general of every ‘age’ deserve love and chemistry in their life and specially during their 40s, 50s, 60s and decades after that does growing old together get special. So, Indian women! Instead of worrying that you are in your 30s, focus on earning more and make career a priority so that you can achieve whatever you could with the energy that you have now. Love will come to you as a surprise when it has to. Also it is special to marry late because then it is really for love and not for society or any other reason.